Faith doesn’t worry and value doesn’t beg.
Last year whilst in the world I realised that my life was a bore. Frankly I’m glad I chucked it in the bin when I gave it to Christ because I was so fed up with it. I looked for thrill and pleasure in the world because religion had taught me I could not find it in God. I scrolled through Instagram accounts living through the false lives of others, lowering my self-confidence whilst at it. I fed myself with trash TV that left me swearing and hating people I had never met. I binged on late night phone conversations and engorged myself on make-up, Facebook likes, tight clothes and accolades to value my worth. It was not until I encountered Jesus so powerfully in my university room and gave Him a true chance that these chains began to finally break.
I fell so deep, Jesus fulfilled me in every way, I wrote Him psalms, long letters, talked to Him all day, listened for His voice, never stopped talking about Him to friends, I even sent Him texts! I was and am very much still crazy about Him. I just wanted Him and His presence. Later that year He told me to write a blog post which you can find on this website called “the Spirit of bae” warning the body of Christ about the epidemic of children of God hungering after their life partner more so than their relationship with Jesus. However what happens when that person finally comes along? When God finally positions the man suitable for you, right before you?
I met him and our connection permeated far deeper than any external attraction. We spoke about our Saviour Jesus from morning until night and although I had just met him it felt like I had always known him as though we were catching up rather than meeting for the first time. His transparency was profound and he boldly spoke to me about God breaking his pornography and masturbation addictions without shame. The first time we spoke on the phone to pray, he made mention of his conviction to not kiss his wife until his wedding day. Our interests and values were exactly the same and upon meeting alone for the first time my Spirit discerned that his heart was sprinting after Jesus. We sat and spoke about Jesus for five whole hours, we could have gone on for six but the restaurant was closing.
I remember how he spoke with such passion for his heavenly Father, I couldn’t actually believe this was real, I had never met someone who loved Jesus this much. ‘God is this my husband?’ I asked whilst quickly tuning back into his countless testimonies from a missionary trip that he had recently returned from ‘No. Don’t be stupid’ my mind would scoff back ‘this is the spirit of bae’. We spoke for weeks, forever talking about Jesus and reading each others’ poetry and psalms that we had written during our worship time. I had never spoken to a male I was interested in without flirting in all the days I had lived, until I met Emmanuel.. He was the first guy I had met who genuinely was “different” and I was not used to this. When he finally expressed his strong interest in me, he had finally chosen to point out the huge elephant in the room.
However I found myself thinking about him far too often, he became my first thought in the morning and my last thought at night. Why was I constantly dreaming of him? And why was I becoming far too tired from our texting exchanges to find time to pray in the evenings. My relationship with Jesus had become unhealthy, I found it much harder to hear His voice and our intimacy was being interrupted by consuming thoughts of this new person. The Lord began to convict my heart; separation was needed, but for how long? I had only known him for little over a month and yet I felt separation was an unfair request. Which master was I to serve, my Saviour or my soul? I finally succumbed after a tearful battle and felt impressed to set seven months as the period of time apart from him. Harsh. However I knew a powerful stronghold had formed from the tears I had shed over a guy I had barely known for 5 weeks.
When I told him over the phone, he asked “do you think we will still like each other?”, I wasn’t quite sure. The most beautiful thing was his respect and desire to never infringe upon my relationship with Jesus. I realised then that if someone truly loves you pressure will not be there, the person will respect you and wait. If he loves God he will wait. Quite frankly if I was in his shoes I would have thought I was a crazy spiritualist, however I just wanted to be reconciled back with my Father, experience deep consecration and besides I hardly knew him, what was his favourite colour anyway?
The separation began and Jesus revealed the stronghold of idolatry that had crept in to kill steal and destroy our relationship. It was almost a reality shock when we stopped speaking, this relationship had consumed me, I now had so much free time. God taught me how to make consecration a lifestyle. I grew in profound intimacy with God,
I learnt that God creates our joy and man should only add to it.
I learnt that a man should not become our source for God but that he should bring us closer to the real source Jesus Christ.
I learnt that a man should never leave me feeling incomplete without him being there; I am fulfilled and content when I am alone and with a man.
It is very important that we find our identity when we are single and do not lose it whilst we are in a relationship. A relationship should not become your life and should not be able to rob you of your joy. A relationship should not give you validation and should never be your place to escape, it is Jesus who is our strong tower and the righteous run to HIM and are safe: psalm 18:10. When we idolise our partner the devil has access to manipulate us because we give them the authority to have power over our emotions: when they’re up you’re up and when they’re down you’re a mess? No thankyou. We are trying to get closer to God not further away. The verse “consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you” Joshua 3:5 shall forever stay with me. God showed me astounding things in the spirit as well as the physical. Although the growing pains were uncomfortable, my development was astounding. I learnt to be whole in God. Eventually after five months we decided to speak again due to the peace and growth we had experienced.
God’s timing is perfect. Speaking to this man felt completely different, things had been broken, maturity and growth were present and most importantly God was at the centre. During the time we had been apart he expressed that he felt as though the Lord had closed his eyes to other beautiful girls around him and brought him into intense intimacy. We are now finally in a relationship where God is at the centre and being glorified.
A relationship centred around Christ purges many negative things, there are no mind games of how “he hasn’t texted me so I can’t text him first” or “he annoyed me so I’m going to ignore him until he apologises” , SELF must be killed on a daily basis and God teaches you to serve and die to the flesh. The majority of our relationship is spent in prayer, bible study and evangelism not to mention we separate ourselves from each other each month to just be completely alone from the whole world with our best friend Jesus.
On our first date as a couple it was Valentine’s Day, we both decided to spend the day sharing the heart of the Father.Walking into pubs and cafe’s we prayed for the sick and spoke encouragement into many people’s lives. We told young and old people about the cross and many people experienced the healing and love of Jesus. On our second date we prayed for a man’s leg in the street and witnessed complete healing before our eyes, we told the waiters about Jesus’ love in the restaurant and our walk home involved us buying tea and sandwiches for a man who had been living homeless for 30 years. We are by no means perfect and have had our falls but we desire to live radically for Jesus and not ourselves; that’s what counts. My boyfriend always reminds me that I do not create his joy but I add to it. We are each other’s iron, sharpening one another with the word of God.
My tips are:
I ensure that I make alone time for Jesus, I ensure that I’m not only talking about God but I’m also speaking to Him instead. I ensure to read the Word with my partner and alone.
As I said before faith doesn’t worry and value doesn’t beg. In faith we were willing to sacrifice each other no matter the consequences because we truly loved God. Secondly I understood my identity and worth in Jesus and I did not have to beg for him to wait for me or continue to be interested in me. Anyone who says God isn’t faithful is a liar. I am NOT telling anyone to spend 5 months apart from their partner, at all. I chose to do this for my personal reasons. I am trying to encourage others to be complete in themselves whilst in a relationship and to cling to God. He shall make everything perfect on His watch. Glory to God who is the King of My life and staying right there, no man can steal His throne.
love you guys, I pray God is always at the centre
MY BOYFRIEND DOESN’T MAKE ME HAPPY ANYMORE WATCH THIS CRUCIAL VIDEO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLeC5kiEmkQ